If you aren’t afraid of prairie dogs, you better start.

According to a new report issued this week by WildEarth Guardians, an animal rights group based in New Mexico, five species of North American prairie dogs have lost more than 90 percent of their native habitat due to habitat loss, poisoning and shooting. Translation? They claim man has expanded his living space at the expense of the cuddly little doe-eyed prairie dog.

You know, the little fellow who looks like a gopher and who is rife with fleas? The critter that still transmits bubonic plague to anyone not being careful? A group out there is mad there aren’t more of these little plague factories and they are blaming you, America!

Of all the states listed in the group’s report, most received poor grades – including the federal Bureau of Land Management – due to their failures to protect prairie dogs. Wyoming got a D+ while Kansas, Nebraska and North Dakota earned Fs. Arizona was the only state whose score marked an improvement. Its B- was the highest grade of any state listed, due largely to its reintroduction of 74 black-tailed prairie dogs in the southeast corner of the state.

If prairie dogs continue to wither away as a species, bad things will happen. Admittedly, I’m no scientist but I know that nature abhors a vacuum. This is why the great outdoors is so dirty – it hasn’t been vacuumed in a while. It was Aristotle who first observed this many centuries ago and, for an ancient Greek, he was pretty sharp – so sharp, in fact, that he apparently knew about vacuum cleaners thousands of years before Hoover invented them.

But he’s right. Mother Nature loves balance. When too many trees overcrowd a forest, she sends a lightning bolt to create a wildfire. It thins the trees out, and she restores balance. In this case, with fewer and fewer prairie dogs running around, she will respond with one of two things: either a flood of prairie dogs, or one large super-prairie dog. Either way, the native prairie dog homeland will be reclaimed at Man’s expense.

It’s a little scary when you think about it. We don’t know what prairie dogs like or what they dislike. All they seem to do is stand outside their burrow, on their hind legs doing a bad impersonation of us, chirping away and whistling in an even worse impersonation of us.

In some respects, Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward knew more about those big worms they fought in “Tremors” than we do about prairie dogs. So, with the prospect of wave after wave of prairie dogs sicced on us by a vengeful, balance-seeking Mother Nature, America is flying blind.

President Barack Obama will likely want to open what diplomats call “peaceful dialogue” – to find a way to live peacefully with our small hairy neighbors. Previous administrations only looked down their noses at prairie dog peace talks, so it is to Obama’s credit his team is open to negotiation, no matter how ludicrous the opposing party may be.

As the ancient Greeks also used to say, “Forewarned is forearmed.” This is why Plato and his friends would write crib notes on their forearms before taking tests. We would do well to learn from their example – so write “Save the Prairie Dogs” on your forearms or risk falling victim to Mother Nature’s wrath, shaped like gophers.

        

Barack Obama has chosen the Arab television network Al-Arabiya to give his first formal interview as president, and has named a special envoy, former senator George J. Mitchell, to travel to the middle east on a mission of “restoration.”  His goal is to communicate to Muslims “that the Americans are not your enemy.”  He stated that the US has made mistakes in the past, but that he wishes to restore “the same respect and partnership that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or 30 years ago . . .”  Many clear-thinking Americans will see this as a huge mistake – an attempt to extend an olive branch to a group with radical elements who will perceive the move as weakness and react accordingly.  I personally think Obama’s decision to go this way is a positive development, at least indirectly.

Truth is I believe that the radicals who have hijacked Islam will perceive Obama’s efforts to present the US as willing to “start listening” and stop “dictating” as a display of appeasement.  There were numerous radical Muslim organizations and individuals who vocally supported the election of Obama for exactly this reason.  If your jihad is thwarted by a tough administration that refuses to acquiesce, you will certainly be happy to see a new administration that prefers to prostrate itself on the ground in submission.  We’ve heard from both radical anti-Americans and their naïve followers for quite some time that if we only play nice with the radical Muslims, they will leave us alone and let us live our lives – no more 9/11 attacks.  Now we will finally get a trial of this pacification strategy, and that’s the good news.

Elections have consequences, and this new strategy of conciliation results directly from the election of Obama and a heavily Democrat congress.  Now we’ll get to see whether it works.  The good news is that when this strategy fails spectacularly, the restless and hoodwinked electorate that elected Obama will regain its bearings and elect responsible adults who recognize the unbending nature of radical Islam.  I do not wish harm on anyone at the hands of radical Muslim butchers, and I will weep real tears when more Americans die from a future terror attack.  And that’s the point – I never want to see another human die at the hands of Islamists.  I fear that Obama’s policy of prostrating America before those who wish us dead will invite more death and destruction.  The good that will come of this is that we will finally get a chance to see the terrible results of appeasement, and hopefully we will never again elect an administration that refuses to exercise American exceptionalism.

        

Through the applause-laden cacophony that is the post-inaugural Obama lovefest, you can probably barely hear me. I am the guy with a legitimate beef, struggling in vain to be heard.

When President Obama first sat at the desk in the Oval Office, he became a pen-wielding whirling dervish, signing proclamation after proclamation, promise after promise, pledge after pledge. First among them, he promised to close the detainee camp at Guantanamo Bay, and I can’t disagree more strenuously. We must keep Gitmo open – and Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) should back me up on this. Let me explain.

Several weeks ago, I began my hunt for tickets to the Presidential Inauguration. They were scarcer than hen’s teeth, and it took a lot of help from one of the greatest members of Congress I know. I’d name names, but American politics doesn’t need another overinflated ego.

With hard-to-find tickets in hand, a special friend and I made plans to show up early. We were prepared for the long lines we heard about on the news, and for the extremely cold weather that we learned about from various D.C.-area weather reports. With wind chills, the temperatures felt like single digits – and nothing is less fun than standing in such cold gusty weather for hours, but we did it anyway. Such was our commitment to being on hand for the latest chapter in America’s history.

Clearly, we were not alone. When we arrived near the Capitol and looked for the color-coded entrance gate matching our Blue tickets, we were confronted by a flood of our fellow Americans. It was the largest ocean of humanity either of us had ever seen. There were hundreds of thousands of people swarming to and fro, not moving very quickly, and waiting patiently for their turn to go through the Security gate.

The line we stood in was longer than any I’d ever seen and, at points, it seemed to blur with other lines. But, following the rules and being good neighbors, we stood patiently enduring the cold and the utter lack of guidance from the event organizers. Had only one of the legion of Obama volunteers been on hand with bullhorn to direct traffic, so to speak, things would have far better organized. As it was, it was a frozen directionless wasteland. Still, we figured that we would make it to the security gate slowly – and we were there early, so time was on our side.

Three freezing hours later, we had made it to within six feet of the Blue gate when the security personnel – primarily U.S. Capitol Police and Secret Service officers – decided it was time to close the gate. The Blue section – where we would have stood – was filled to capacity already, they said.

The crowd went crazy when the gates began to close. Not throwing-shoes-at-Presidents crazy, but close. If anything, it was very similar to the mob I’ve seen in old news footage of the last American chopper leaving Saigon. We were in a crush of our fellow Americans, frozen and now being turned away from the very event we’d suffered for hours to see. Some attempted to climb the security fence or to block the gate’s closure, but cops fingering their holsters is an attention-getter. Nothing makes a celebration of freedom more ironic than being locked out of a public event and intimidated by gunmen.

Having no other choice, we and thousands of others trudged brokenheartedly home to watch the big event on C-SPAN re-runs. We could warm our hands, but not our spirits. It was extremely disappointing.

This same scene, I have since learned, played itself out in other areas of the Capitol too. The Purple section and the Silver section each turned people away, some of whom had waited in line with tickets since 6 a.m. that day.

Enter Sen. Feinstein, the chief organizer of the Swearing-In ceremony who distributed a memorandum on Thursday to various Administration and Congressional officials, admitting that mistakes were made and that she was going to get to the bottom of it. Well, it’s too late to change things but it’s nice that someone admits that wrongs occurred. One of the chief mistakes, as it turns out, was that the security details were letting people in without tickets. It isn’t rocket science – asking someone to show them a card that is Blue or not is all it took. If that’s what these guys call law enforcement, it is no wonder America’s borders are so porous. No passport, no problem!

To sum up, this is why we cannot afford to close Guantanamo Bay. If we do, we will never be able to adequately punish the ne’er-do-wells who prevented me and thousands of freezing Americans from seeing one of the nation’s great moments. In fact, waterboarding may be too good for them but it would be nice to have it as an option.

        

My life has been one of consistent luck. I was lucky to get a girl to go to prom with me. I was lucky to graduate from college. I was lucky to have worked for Gov. Mike Sullivan and Sen. Craig Thomas (R-Wyo.), and I was lucky to have been the first comedian to have performed in Washington, D.C., after Sept. 11, 2001.

This week, my luck continues. I managed to get tickets to the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.

According to the various news reports out there, these tickets are nearly impossible to get. The “fair-market value” that I see for the tickets being sold on eBay and Craigslist suggests that mine are worth around $1,000 apiece. I am not the sort to sell such historic items anyway, so I might as well enjoy them. In fact, by the time you read this, I am probably shivering in Washington’s arctic cold and shuffling along in a line a million-people long, waiting to go through security where steely-eyed police will make sure I am not packing hand-warmers, folding chairs or thermoses filled with coffee. You’ll know if I get hypothermia. I’ll be the guy streaking across the Capitol Grounds thinking I am overheated. Hypothermia is funny that way.

If I survive the exposure to the frigid weather, I will then spend most of the rest of the day restoring my core temperature to 98.6 Fahrenheit and hoping my tuxedo pants still fit. You see, I have tickets to one of the Presidential Inaugural balls, too – black-tie events which are also funny.

For those who have ever wondered about the dignity and grace of a Presidential ball, let me dispel that myth right away. It is little more than prom for grown-up nerds. If you’ve ever had a conversation at the bar with the loudmouth you’ve never met who thinks he knows more about politics than you do, and wants to debate you about Canadian-style health care or why the income tax is voluntary, imagine him in a poorly fitting tux. Then imagine another thousand of him and his begowned wife or lady friend. Some of these couples will be dancing to up-tempo music played too loudly, while others will wait in long lines for the rest room or the cash bar. The Presidential ball, of which there are actually 10, is a wonderland of waiting around with political science nerds – which, apparently, includes me. I’m not proud of it but, at this point in my life, I have to come to grips with certain realities.

At some point in the evening, the new President and Vice President – and their wives – make a brief appearance and dance to one song before waving to the crowd and heading off to the next ball. They will appear at each of the 10 before finally heading to bed after what will surely have been a very long day.

When the dignitaries have shown up, danced and departed, that is the starting gun for the thousand aforementioned political nerds to race to the coat check to pick up their topcoats and to wait in lengthy lines in the cold night air for limousines or taxi cabs to take them to their homes, hotels or maybe to return their tuxedoes and formal gowns. Four years from now, the cycle will begin anew with prospective ticket holders hoping for good weather.

It is historic, to be sure, but there is something to be said for enjoying the moment in the comfort of your heated home. Television offers better views than any had by those standing frozen on the grounds of the U.S. Capitol, with shorter lines at the rest room.

To sum up, I am lucky to have the experience to say authoritatively that the inconveniences of Presidential inaugurations put the “sweet” in “Home, Sweet Home.” Enjoy the moment as you watch the swearing-in – but be glad you’re doing it at home.

        

Packing up a home and moving is never easy. Some equate the emotional toll it wreaks to that of a death in the family. It is exhausting, stressful and tiring in the extreme – which is why it is almost easy to feel sorry for Vice President Dick Cheney putting eight years of memories into carefully labeled cardboard boxes and loading them onto a truck.

As any 8-year-old will tell you, eight years is a lifetime. Shirts and ties will account for a goodly amount of his move, as will crate after crate of back-up batteries and chargers for his defibrillator. Fortunately, old shotguns and used waterboards don’t take up as much room as the memories they created. Ah, memories.

While Cheney has a home in Jackson, Wyo., and another in Texas, he will likely spend the winter of his years in Maryland, about 30 miles east of Washington, where he has yet another house. What time he doesn’t spend fly-fishing will be spent scowling, or hanging out with his new neighbor – former Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld.  

That’s right – Cheney and Rummy will be neighborinos for the foreseeable future in St. Michaels, Md. Rumsfeld moved to the swanky Chesapeake Bay area two years ago, where he is free to defend his property from terrorists, newspaper deliverers, Girl Scouts or whoever wanders within range of his garden hose.

Two septuagenarians spending their days grilling, fishing and scowling – they will be like “Grumpy Old Men” only with more evil, and Sophia Loren will end up in that OTHER exclusive Bay area – Guantanamo. Truly, life imitates art.

Ex-presidents often leave office amid waves either of adulation or rotten tomatoes, depending on the economy. However varied their departures may be, all ex-presidents go on to earn big bucks on the speakers’ circuit, or by joining corporate boards, foundations and trusts. Not so for the ex-Vice Presidents. After serving eight years as America’s Second Banana, George H.W. Bush had to get a government job in Washington, D.C., which he held for only four years before he was asked to leave.

Despite the glamour of being in the former Presidents club, being a member of the former Vice Presidents of the United States club is at least as elite. Currently, there are four living ex-Presidents and four living ex-Vice Presidents – Cheney and Bush, as well as Tennessee’s Al Gore, and Minnesota’s Walter Mondale.

While children in modern schools don’t dream of one day becoming America’s Vice President like they should, let me point out to any former Vice Presidents reading that I appreciate you. We all should appreciate them – if for no other reason than that one of its members now has a nuclear aircraft carrier, and another has guns and an itchy trigger finger.

In some respects, America’s former Vice Presidents are at least as well-armed as Somalian pirates and might consider spending their winter years sailing around the globe fighting terrorists. Rumsfeld could go along as their sidekick, the Robin to their Batmen. After all, who would he have to scowl with if his neighbor is out on the High Seas? The bipartisan vice presidential flotilla could bring freedom to nations where it has been long denied. For military reasons, the elder Bush would be its first captain since he was a Navy officer in World War 2. As a lieutenant, Bush outranks Mondale, a one-time Army corporal, the only other living ex-Vice President with military experience.

Irrespective of the future of the Floating Veep Brigade, Mr. Cheney, I wish you the best of luck. May your life be long and your memories vivid. Lift with your legs as you load the moving truck.

        

I am listening to Michael Medved and he's discussing events in Gaza.  As is his MO, he's taking calls from people who are opposed to Israeli bombing of Gaza (or in fact, of them standing up for themselves in any way.)  I've heard shows like this before, whether its Dennis Prager, Hugh Hewitt or Medved and it never fails to amaze me how each of these hosts have what must be an anti-Semitism detector.  Clearly you can oppose what Israel is doing and not be an anti-Semite.  And at first many of these callers sound like they are disagreeing on debatable geo-political topics.  Then at some point in the conversation the host must get a whiff of something more to the story and inevitably they ask a pointed question specifically about Jews and amazingly (to me) these callers don't make any real attempt to side step it.  They walk right up, take a swing and reveal themselves completely to be bigoted at best and truly insane at worst.

This time the caller began with claims that Israel's response was unfair and poorly reported by the media.  He then segued into saying that Hamas was probably not even responsible for the rockets; instead it was Mossad agents sneaking into Gaza and firing rockets on their own to make it look like Hamas.  Then Medved just asks him straight out when he first started having problems with Jews and his response was when he realized that Jews were responsible for the assassination of John Lennon.  Just let that sink in for a moment, because it gets better.  Have you allowed the crazy to really wrap itself around your brain?  Ready for more?  When asked why Jews would want John Lennon dead he said it was because they thought John Lennon was the second coming of Christ.  Now, I don't claim to be a biblical scholar or expert in Jewish theology, but I'm pretty sure that if Jews thought John Lennon was the son of God, they'd think he was the first one, not the second one.

        

Once in a great while, a generation is witness to greatness. From achievements in sports, medicine, even space travel, few are privileged to see true greatness in its natural state. Imagine being Albert Einstein’s first wife, Mileva, who watched as his exceptional mind gave birth to his theory of relativity.

Imagine being the apple that fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, giving rise to modern physics.

Imagine watching that lunatic Galileo dropping rocks and fruits from the top of that leaning tower in Pisa.

Well, imagine no farther. We need not look to the past for inspiration. Our generation has been given front-row seats to watch greatness emerge again – this time, from President-elect Barack Obama, who faces the greatest puzzler of all time. According to him, he will solve a $10 trillion national debt by increasing government spending and cutting taxes on everyone earning less than $250,000 per year.

Mathematically speaking, this is the Indian rope trick. A rope not only mysteriously stands up with sufficient rigidity that a magician can climb it but, after being pulled up after him, disappears into thin air.

President-elect Obama and his Democratic colleagues believe they can right the mistakes of the previous administration which, due to two wars, a monumental terrorist attack and a worldwide economic crisis, has left the national budget in a shambles. Better yet, they think spending more and earning less can magically create 5 million new jobs.

I’m no math whiz, but the only way I can see coming up with that many new jobs is in paying people to try to decipher the Obama team’s weird new math. In fact, the only mathematician who could possibly make this work died 59 years ago this month. His name was Charles Ponzi, for whom the “Ponzi scheme” is named.

History is littered with examples of governments relying on hare-brained financial innovations to solve their problems. Even now, after thousands of years, ancient Egypt remains littered with pyramid schemes.

Let the record show I am a team player. If America needs help, who am I to stand in the President-elect’s way? When the nation needs me, I will always stand and deliver.

Our top priority must be to create jobs. A working man is a happy man, and history shows that all the rabble-rousers and seditionists were unemployed and not happy about it. So, I would like to think President-elect Obama will consider having the government take over Amway, and let unemployed folks sell soap. It sounds unorthodox, I’ll grant you – but all they really need to do is convince you and two of your friends to sell soap for them, and so on, and so on. Pretty soon, we’re all fat and happy and smelling like soap. From sea to shining sea, Americans will never have been so clean. It will be America’s finest hour.

On the other hand, to reduce the gargantuan national debt, we must consider radical solutions. I recommend selling North Dakota to Canada. No one really uses it anyway, and I’m pretty sure no one even lives there. In many ways, North Dakota is America’s attic – and, thanks to the exchange rate, we’ll get a better bang for our buck selling to Canada than if we were to sell it to some European nation. It helps that Canadians speak our language, making their transition to our way of life a little easier. Welcome to the U.S., eh!

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say, and my suggestions are proof that tough times breed greatness. I look forward to helping the new President-elect solve the nation’s problems, and I hope you do too.

If you have no ideas, don’t worry. You can be in charge of the soap.

        

        

Good news, America – the Kennedys are back! Sort of.

When Caroline Kennedy, the closest today’s generation has to Novocain incarnate, announced she wanted Sen. Hillary Clinton’s (D-N.Y.) seat, I confess that my first thought was “Look again, because she has a big seat.” I have to make jokes like that because, when Clinton is Secretary of State, they won’t make themselves.

In a way, Kennedy running for office is a testament to the pioneering, never-say-die, anything-is-possible American dream. Her quest underscores the ages-old belief that, in this country, anyone can rise to the highest levels of power by simply attending cocktail parties and making speeches, as infrequent as they are passionless.

It’s sad but true. Even today, her father – the late president – has more charisma when he speaks than she does, and he hasn’t said a word in 45 years.

Democrat insiders admit she hasn’t spent years out on the road, working hard for the common man like her uncle Bobby, saved sailors like her father or managed a business like her brother John John. She hasn’t even driven a car into Chappaquiddick like her uncle Teddy. Who does she think she is?

She’s a New Yorker, that’s who. There is a different standard for public servants in the Empire State. A standard where any carpetbagger is welcome, provided they are famous enough. Sen. Bobby Kennedy moved there only shortly before announcing his candidacy for its empty U.S. Senate seat in 1964. Similarly, Clinton moved to New York in 2000, just long enough to file for her Senate run and to move back to D.C.

Unlike places like Wyoming or Arizona, where one can’t be elected to much of anything without claiming to be a fifth-generation descendant of homesteaders, New Yorkers seem to favor anyone who is famous. For this reason, Caroline Kennedy – who has spent most of her adult life hosting fundraisers while living on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan and summering on Martha’s Vineyard – has deeper roots than many of New York’s political elite. Also, she is the reason Neil Diamond – another New Yorker – wrote “Sweet Caroline.” Who doesn’t like Neil Diamond?

Whatever else one can say about her, Caroline Kennedy – sometimes known as Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg – would fit right in the Senate. She has no ideas and even less charisma, and makes Ethel Kennedy seem like Robin Williams. She’s like a female version of Sen. Dick Lugar (R-Ind.). With her apparent desire to run for the U.S. Senate, despite a lack of experience, agenda or speaking skills, she is Don Quixote without a horse, a windmill or even a Sancho Panza.

She is beautiful, poised and – dare I say – regal-looking in every way. Until she starts talking, and then I start focusing on what tie to wear tomorrow or whether I’ve checked the battery in my smoke alarm. She is the human equivalent of white noise – a dim humming sound that allows one to focus on everything else.

In that respect, maybe she would be an asset to the Senate. If helping our friends in the upper chamber focus is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But I’m betting she loses distantly to the many others who also seek the seat. As she’ll soon learn, the Kennedy name doesn’t have the cachet it once did.

        

I will be speaking on podcasting and new media at the Defending The American Dream Summit, sponsored by Americans For Prosperity - come out and say hello!  See the tentative speakers list here, and bring the kids along for a ride in the "Global Warming Hot Air" balloon.  This will be a great event.  I'll be speaking on the new media panel with Rachel Alexander of Intellectual Conservative, Greg Patterson of Espresso Pundit, and Shane Wikfors of The Sonoran Alliance.  If you're in the Phoenix, Arizona area, come out and join us!

        

As the graying of America continues to pick up speed and a newly elected President claiming that health care reform is the center of his White House, health and wellness are in vogue like never before. Preventive medicines, then, are at the heart of modern wellness and, sadly, too few use them.

Despite an abundance of medical advice freely given on every TV channel, too many aging Americans exercise only their couch-potato muscles. Too much snacking, too many processed foods and too little walking around spells trouble for millions.

Goaded into good behavior by an industry built on guilt and shame, new parents shovel pills by the handful down their children’s throats – vitamins, anti-allergy medications and so on, chased by glassfuls of milk and Pediasure. To make the vitamins more fun, the medical industry learned long ago that the way to make kids want to take them is to make the product taste look and taste like candy, and to package them that way. Hence, Chewables and Gummies shaped like the Flintstones, Scooby-Doo and even Spider-Man are among the pediatric wellness industry’s giants and likely will remain so for the foreseeable future.

The Ely Lillies, Pfizers and Glaxo-SmithWellcoms of the world should embrace similar methods to get aging Americans to take their medicines too. Who wants to eat anything with unappealing names like Boniva, Pepcid or Flonase? No one, that’s who.

Women entering menopause would likely enjoy taking pills shaped like characters from “Sex on the City” or “Desperate Housewives.” By a stroke of irony, chewables shaped like Ty Pennington from “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” could help stave off hot flashes. Much like tequila offers a worm at the bottom, each bottle of Premarin could guarantee at least one tablet shaped like Pennington without his shirt on. It might not help with hot flashes, but still.

HydroxyCut and other weight-loss pills could easily be shaped like Kirstie Alley. Fortunately, most such pills already are.

For older men, challenges to prostates and bladders could be fought with pills shaped like anything from the History Channel. What better way to show Hitler who is boss than by chewing him up every morning to quiet your irritable bowel syndrome? Letting Der Fuhrer goosestep up and down your innards is the thinking patriot’s approach to wellness. Similarly, laxatives shaped like England’s Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain seems very apropos. Your pipes will unclog as easily as he gave away Europe to the Nazis. It’s a history lesson in every flush!

Brace yourself – the 21st century may be paved with hair-loss pills shaped like Bigfoot, cholesterol-fighting statins shaped like Vice President Dick Cheney and erectile dysfunction pills shaped like Pamela Anderson. If you suffer the special problem they mention in the ads – you know, the one that could last more than four hours – no problem. Pills shaped like Rosie O’Donnell will make short work of it.

Silver linings in pill form? The Greatest Generation deserves nothing less. Better yet, thanks to President-elect Obama and the Democratic never-met-an-expensive-idea-they-didn’t-like Congress, Medicare will pay for each and every one of them. With preventive medicine, the silver-haired generation is helping America enter a golden age.

        

. . . of my own 18-month-old, who looks just like him when he cries . . .

please read about Moshe Holtzberg

        

What should the President do if he finds himself in the midst of wrapping up a war that has claimed the lives of many and divided a country; presiding over an Economy that has generally prospered despite the war and finds himself at odds with international partners because of the war?

If you are Abraham Lincoln you issue a proclamation of Thanksgiving. Let me be clear. You issue a proclamation of Thanksgiving not merely for the blessings you enjoy, but you pointedly name and offer homage to the Source of that blessing, "... The Most High God ... our beneficent Father ..." Whose " ... Almighty hand ... works in human history to accomplish ... the Divine purposes ...." If you are Abraham Lincoln you gratefully acknowledge God's gifts while beseeching Him for His mercy for "... our sins ... [and] ... for our national perversenenss and disobedience ...."

But of course, as is widely recognized by many of today's Republican intelligentsia, such public displays of religion and Christianity should be returned to the privacy of one's heart where they speak to no one; they should be avoided because of the damage such expressions of faith do to the Party's efforts to be about The People's business; they cannot help but push thinking and rational people away from the Party and towards the other side which has sensibly removed God from every last public place. A Party and a President who does such a thing deserves to be in the minority and will be seen by history as presiding over the destruction of the Party and its principles.

For the rest of Lincoln's proclamation which, as some historians have discovered, contributed to the healing of a nation; the unifying of a nation and the ascending of a Party to power and prominence, read on. Or you can just go back to your Turkey and dressing and shake your head at those Right Wing Religious nuts and their silly ideas about human dignity and worth, the nature of man, the struggle between Good and Evil and other interesting but irrelevant things ...

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful years and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the Source from which they come, others have been added which are of so extraordinary a nature that they can not fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict, while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the field of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than theretofore. Population has steadily increased notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.

In testimony wherof I have herunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Thank you to Bobbie Patray of the Tennessee Eagle Forum for reminding me of all of this, and ...

From my family to yours,

A Blessed and Joyous Thanksgiving ...

Blue Collar Muse

        

So, I hear that Henry Waxman (D-Calif) has won the prized committee chairmanship of the powerful House Energy and Commerce Committee, thereby unseating the Congressional institution that is John Dingle (D-Mich).  The CW is that Dingle's hometown-based resistance (read: Detroit automakers) to global warming legislation is a major factor for why no meaningful global warming legislation has come to pass.  With the wackadoodle Waxman at the helm, this resistance is gone.  So, all signs point to global warming legislation coming once TPE (the President-Elect) becomes POTUS.

Here may be one reason to seriously consider a bailout of the big three.  Follow me for a minute.  If the US bails out the big three, it could be structured like it was for the S&L bailout of the 1990's where the US owned all or a portion of the rescued companies.  In the case of the S&Ls, the US was compensated for the bailout by selling seized assets at a profit.  So, if the US "invests" in the big three, it could never recoup its investment if global warming legislation is implemented, right?  Right.  Voilà, reduced incentive for the government to pass such legislation.

Naaa.  With our luck, we'd bailout the automakers and get global warming legislation as a bonus.  This is what happens to the party in the minority.  You are left with trading bad option A for bad option B.  This is why elections and majorities matter. 

        

President-elect Barack Obama was swept into the most powerful office on Earth on a tidal wave of Americans wanting change. Can we change America? “Yes we can,” came the chorus, a symphony of unity resonating in a hundred million throats sung from sea to shining sea. Yes we can.

Obama dutifully made nice with former competitor Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), soaked up a few moments of glory and fame after a hard-fought but well-run campaign, and then went to work. First item on this outsider’s agenda of change?

Hire back the old Clinton team.

To recap — Attorney General-pick Eric Holder? Deputy Attorney General under Clinton.
Commerce Secretary pick Gov. Bill Richardson? He was Energy Secretary AND Ambassador to the United Nations under Clinton. Federal Reserve Board Chairman possibility Larry Summers served as Deputy Treasury Secretary under Clinton. White House counsel-to-be Greg Craig was most famously Clinton’s impeachment attorney. Even John Podesta, the man managing Obama’s transition team, was Clinton’s chief of staff.

Diminutive Robert Reich has been talked about as a possible Labor Secretary, the same post he held under Clinton and, lest we forget, Secretary of State-in-waiting Hillary Clinton served as the former President’s first lady. It should be noted that I applaud Obama appointing her to be Secretary of State – anything that not only takes her out of the race for President in 2012 but also regularly sends her to the far ends of the globe deserves a standing ovation. Can we say this is a win-win? Yes we can.

And say what you will about re-hiring legions of former Clinton appointees, but it says much about Obama’s commitment to recycling. Can we say this makes him America’s first green president? Yes we can.

So committed to recycling, he is even said to be considering asking President Dubya’s Defense Secretary Robert Gates to stick around and finish what they started, and Brent Scowcroft – who worked for the first President Bush – to possibly advise on national security issues. Democratic purists will claim the new President should do a better job of keeping his political recyclables separate. Can we say Obama’s “change” agenda means he simply wants to change things back to the way things were in 2000? Yes we can.

Second, the President-elect started surrounding himself with scores of Chicagoans, notably Rahm Emanuel and Valeri Jarrett – a Chicago cabinet, of sorts. Even Hillary is from Chicago. Presidents surrounding themselves with a hometown entourage is not without precedent. President George W. Bush surrounded himself with a whole bunch of Texans, and look how well that worked out. Birds of a feather suffer groupthink together.

Third, promise Americans the moon but be vague about it. Out-of-work citizens from Detroit to Wall Street are hungry for jobs, and Obama promises to fix the economy and create scores of new jobs at some point in the next four years. He will extend health insurance coverage to everyone who needs it, and spend trillions in new spending to improve the American way of life – though he also wants to cut taxes. Increasing spending without increasing taxes is one of the great mathematical mysteries of the universe. Not even Sir Isaac Newton, who invented calculus, could untangle that knot. Can we question the probability of Obama’s success? Yes we can.

Can we count on the next four years being among the most interesting in American political history? Yes we can.

        

Linked with only one comment - get ready to laugh yourself silly.

Enjoy!

        

Jewelers want American men to believe an engagement ring should be worth three months’ salary. For this reason, a genius quits his job before buying the ring to keep costs down.

In this same way, wise-thinking citizens realize they have two months to go out and spend their money so they have nothing left to redistribute. Thousands of Americans are investing in guns and ammunition.

The pessimist believes it is the natural response to the dozens of anti-gun laws Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the new Democratic Congress will pass – but the optimist believes that legions of Americans stocking up on guns is the stimulus plan President-elect Barack Obama talked about in his campaign’s online economic plan. You know, the one he posted on his website a la Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) but that no one actually read?

Unintentionally or not, it is ironic that Obama’s economic plan is based on the “guns and butter” philosophy – illegalize guns and subsidize butter.

Preferring to see life as sunny-side up, I’d like to chalk this up as a success for the Obama Administration. It doesn’t really matter why Americans are stocking up on weapons. So long as they are spending, jobs are created and the economy grows stronger.

As he said several times on the campaign trail, the new President will begin to withdraw American forces from Iraq and Afghanistan. However, until America’s economy gets stronger and jobs more plentiful, our troops are – financially speaking – better off in uniform!

Obama’s financial advisors may urge the new President to keep the war going a little longer – just until the economy settles down. The military is always hiring, meaning that for someone willing to pull a trigger, there is always a job plus three hots and a cot. In this economy, general infantry beats General Motors any day of the week. Some lucky troops may actually get to ride through the desert sands in a vehicle they made working in an assembly plant back home. Truly, life is a circle.

President-elect Obama has a number of other issues on which he is making great headway. The problem of illegal immigration, for example, is one that went largely unnoticed in the last six months of the presidential campaign. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and incumbent President George W. Bush are both from border states yet immigration got nary a blip on the campaign radar screen. Chalk up another win for the Obama camp. With the Wall Street meltdown, Mexico is building the 400-mile-long fence to keep newly impoverished stockbrokers out.

President-elect Obama is expected to embrace Canadian-style health care as well, which involved our gun-toting fellow citizens going to Toronto and invading their emergency rooms.

Any way you slice it – from increased economic activity to stronger border protections to improved health care – the Obama Administration has done quite a bit already to encourage Americans to take up arms. Pretty impressive, really.

        

Throughout this recently concluded campaign season I listened in wonderment as both presidential candidates repeatedly addressed the issue of “jobs going overseas.”  Normally this comment was quickly followed by a string of tough-talk platitudes outlining in the vaguest of terms how the candidate intended to “get tough” on companies deciding to relocate their manufacturing assets to some distant shore.

Beyond this bloviating, I cannot specifically recall either candidate engaging in an in-depth discussion of why companies are leaving the United States for the “greener pastures” of foreign lands, or what they would specifically do to alter or reverse this trend.  Perhaps speaking the truth would enrage their base. Perhaps there simply is not enough time to discuss this issue in the 15-second news sound bites squeezed between the endless parades of pathetic reality shows polluting America’s airwaves.  Regardless of the reason, the truth as to why companies are fleeing the United States has been shirked for far too long.

Why is it important to understand the answer to this question?  I contend that until the underpinnings of this problem are truthfully addressed we, as a county, will continue to see a slow erosion of our manufacturing base and material wealth, eventually leading to the collapse of our country’s economic engine and overall standard of living.

So what is causing the erosion of America’s business base and how can it be fixed?  Quite simply the majority of the blame rests with only a few organizations (discussed below).  Alter the behavior of these groups and you positively change America’s business climate and move a long way towards reinvigorating her manufacturing base.

Unions.  These dinosaurs of a past era have far outlived their usefulness and need to be purged from the bowel of American industry.  The jack boot they place on the neck of American business in the form of materialistic extortion, organized crime, the instilment of low productivity habits and the strategic use of coordinated violence is literally destroying America’s ability to compete internationally.  Unions and their Democrat allies contend they are necessary to ensure the “working man” is protected.  I adamantly disagree.  Gone are the days of unchecked “slave labor,” most commonly identified as long hours, low pay and dangerous and unhealthy working conditions with few, if any, financial benefits flowing to the average worker.  In its place a jungle of labor laws, rules and regulations allows union workers to hit the litigation lottery if a supervisor merely looks in the wrong direction.  Add to this strikes and other strong-arm tactics, the countless perks and benefits – such as doctorial-level salaries for unskilled laborers – full life-long healthcare and pension and generous “negotiated”  401(k) matches and it quickly becomes obvious why companies have no problem choosing foreign locations for new manufacturing operations.

Trial Lawyers.  Largely the poster child of greed and debauchery, the legal profession, once a vocation of honor and credibility, has largely been co-opted by a mass army of liberal litigating ambulance chasing thugs serving as the handmaidens of the Democrat party and other radical social activists.  These liberal litigation legions routinely launch attacks against American business using a host of labor, environmental and equal protection laws developed and enacted by their Democrat congressional and bureaucratic brethren to purposefully extort as much wealth as possible from American business.  Complement a woman on the dress she is wearing or accidentally touch a coworker and the business better get ready to open its wallet.  Quite simply, rather than choosing to spend a sizable portion of its operating budget fending off a sea of idiotic litigation business is instead building operations on foreign shores sporting business-friendly law, rules and regulations and a bar composed of barristers still sporting a functioning moral compass.

Local Government.  At some point in the past local government began using its building, permitting and utility departments as revenue sources to feed constantly-growing, largely inefficient and outright lazy bureaucracies.  Fees have continued to increase while the level of customer service has continued to decline, and rarely, if ever, do locally elected officials or the City’s economic development bureaucrat visit the local business office to ask what assistance can be rendered to make it easier to conduct business.  Only when the business is loading up the moving trucks do local officials take notice, and rather than learn from the experience they are more apt to accuse the departing company of not “fitting in” or of not being committed to the community.  When a business is welcomed to a foreign shore by local officials showing interest in the business’ continued health and vitality, there simply is no doubt why the business would choose to relocate.

Confiscatory Federal Taxation.  America has the second highest corporate tax rate on the planet, period.   Our founders are spinning in their graves wondering why they fought and many died to escape extortive taxation, only to see such a sadistic process reemployed by Americans upon Americans less than 150-years after our founding.  Given the government’s lust for money needed to feed its endless army of federal bureaucrats and it is completely understandable why American business would choose to locate operations in the dozens of other countries throughout the world that sport friendly tax policies.

Environmental Extremism.  The environmental movement has little to do with “saving the planet,” and quite a lot to do with controlling industry and imposing Marxist-leaning government will upon the American citizenry.  In nearly every argument environmental extremists counter that opposition to such laws proves one’s love for industry and pollution over their love for Mother Earth.  What they conveniently choose to ignore is that the majority of environmental regulations are developed and implemented in order to achieve expensive and largely unattainable results.  In many cases compliance requirements are even greater than would be found in natural untouched settings where no industry exists at all.  When the ability to attain compliance is unreasonably expensive, and the law of diminishing returns is simply not applied in a common sense fashion, the law has the purposefully applied effect of stymieing business growth and driving it to other countries.

        

Get ready, America. Everything you used to embrace as free speech by an attentive public about the President is now considered either racially tinged or political sour grapes. Or both.

For most of the Golden Age of Reagan – the Roaring ‘80s – Wayne Gretzky, known universally as the “Great One” of the National Hockey League, was said to have been protected from major injury by an unspoken, unwritten agreement known to players throughout the league: don’t hit Gretzky. As the NHL struggled to gain widespread acceptance, disabling its star attraction was thought to be a death sentence to the nascent league. Gretzky and others claim there never was such a rule, but police officers also claim there is no police brutality. People say a lot of things.

With President-elect Obama, there is a troubling corollary. Those who seek to criticize his actions, decisions or mettle will invite a shaming from the public the likes of which have never been seen. For this reason, Obama can expect velvet-glove treatment – not only from a media already infatuated with him and a Democratic majority in Congress, but also from a Republican party still unsure of itself after the drubbing on Election Day 2008.

The GOP has lost an identity and, to his credit, Obama didn’t lose it for them. Blind allegiance to a varied assortment of Reaganisms, and a political litmus test that more closely resembled a checklist – Anti-abortion? Check. Anti-big government? Check. Anti-taxation? Check – has eroded the innovative spirit that ensured massive Republican gains for most of the last 50 years. The party is tired and, on Election Day, it had the fight knocked out of it.

So while the Party of Lincoln is on one-knee, trying to catch its breath, the Democrats will have virtual free reign for the next year and possibly longer. Any criticism by conservative media, pundits, or even members of the Congressional minority will be met with skepticism by those frolicking barefooted and free-spirited at Obamafest 2009.

For those who don’t know, Obamafest is like Woodstock, only with more government handouts and loads of indignation at those who dare to have a different opinion. Also, the cover charge gets bigger every April 15.

Anyone questioning America’s first African-American President will be thought, at least, a spoilsport for trying to ruin an otherwise pivotal moment in American history or, at worst, a racist. This is, for lack of anything better to call it, the political equivalent of the Gretzky rule. Don’t hit Obama – it will hurt America’s chances for redemption in the eyes of the world.

Those who see the double-standard will also be accused of being cynical, or of having Republican sour grapes. Those who don’t will be condemned to a future full of socialized health care, socialized auto-making, socialized Wall Street and socializing with those who voted for him.

I have no problem with criticism, and look forward to hitting the Democrats’ new Great One. Who’s with me?

        

Bailout-bailout-bailout!  It's not just what fighter pilots shout after their wings are shot off anymore.  Last week, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid met with auto company and union officials and then sent a letter to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson urging him to carve money out of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP - that $700B pain you felt in your wallet just recently) and direct it to help bail out the foundering US auto industry

TARP was a mistake, but now that mistake is being compounded by bailouts of even more corporations and industries that have failed, over-reached, or otherwise made bad business decisions.  Capitalism requires failure - smart decisions are rewarded with profits, and dumb decisions are rewarded with losses.  And before you claim that sometimes the failures are due to forces beyond the control of business, I will simply quote my mother, who oft reminded me as a youngster, "that's the way the cookie crumbles."

Aside from the philosophical rationale for opposing the bailouts, we also have the more practical reason as well.  IT'S GOING TO COST TAXPAYERS BILLIONS IF NOT TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS!!!  Was I clear about that?  We're lurching leftward here, folks.

The Don't Go Movement has established a petition to be sent to Secretary Paulson and Congress (who granted Paulson the power to allocate funds this way.)  If you'd like to see the US continue on as a capitalist democracy, and if you'd like to hang on to the money for which you work so hard, I strongly urge you to sign the petition.

UPDATE - Mark Tapscott at the DC Examiner is on top of this now - the word is spreading . . .